Be A Goldfish

Sometimes the worst prisons are the ones we make for ourselves.

Have you ever been stuck?  Just completely stuck.  Unable to get past something or someone in your life.  Maybe you flunked that test you studied so hard for.  Or had someone completely stab you in the back at your job.  Or fell in love with someone only to have them break up with you. Happened to me.  All three of them.  One time I was studying for a chemistry exam, stayed up late to make sure I understood the material, only to find out when I sat down for the test that nothing I studied was on the exam.  Nothing.  Needless to say, I failed. Another time, I was working at SunTrust banks in Georgia and had a completely incompetent boss.  His friend was the head of the department, and he needed a job, so they let him be my boss.  It was like the blind leading the blind.  They let me go after two years saying they didn’t think it was a good fit.  On my very last day, one of my co-workers came up to me and said she thought I should know that at every meeting, my boss would throw me under the bus and blame me for everything he didn’t do right.  Made me feel both better and worse. And one time I was so over the moon over this girl who was equally over the moon for me.  First time that ever happened.  I knew she was the one.  Even though her mom did not like me.  I was her first serious boyfriend, and her mom did not like how much time she was spending with me – for what reasons, I don’t know.  But it got so bad she had to decide between me and her family.  I couldn’t really fault her, but it devastated me.  I was walking around in a haze for three months.  But fortunately, I was able to shake off those tough moments in my life.  Not everyone is able to.  I was in a good place emotionally and mentally when those things happened and I have always had good friends and family who were there to help me out.  Again, so fortunate. 

It’s okay to get stuck.

We all do from time to time. And hopefully, you surround yourself with good people who can help get you out of it.  Because it’s always easier when someone’s got your back.  The only real danger is when those bad moments turn into prisons of the mind.  It’s a process called rumination which is a cycle of negative thinking.  According to the American Psychiatric Association, “[r]umination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress… The repetitive, negative aspect of rumination can contribute to the development of depression or anxiety and can worsen existing conditions.”[1] And again, we all do it from time to time.  Most of us worry or ruminate daily or at least three to four times a week.[2] But it becomes bad for us when we can’t let it go; when it begins to rewrite the script of who we are and who we are meant to be.  Dr. Elizabeth Scott says rumination can lead to stress, a negative frame of mind, a downward spiral of negativity, self-sabotage, and hypertension.[3]

Interestingly, it matters less why you are ruminating, and more on being able to stop.

And for this we turn to our friend, Ted Lasso, who offers a young up and coming star some advice. We’re also going to read a story this morning about Paul, the disciple who was determined to bring Jesus followers to justice until he became one himself.  And we’re going to read his story from his letter to the church in Philippi, so if you would please turn to Philippians 3 beginning with verses 5 to 7 and then we’re going to skip down to verses 10-14.  Again, that’s Philippians 3 beginning with verse 5. In Ted’s case, he just started his tenure as AFC Richmond’s head coach, and he notices one of his players down in the dumps after messing up a play.  Ted asks around and finds out that Sam’s been struggling since leaving home and isn’t the player they know he can be so Ted takes him aside and gives him a piece of advice.  He asks him, “You know what the happiest animal on earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.” Be a goldfish. It’s good for us to learn from our mistakes, but we’ve got to do a better job of forgiving ourselves to give us the space to move forward.  Often ruminating on our mistakes, on the things we’ve done wrong, or the ways we’ve been wronged, can hold us back.  And that’s what Paul talks about in our passage.  Normally, I read from the New International Version or NIV, but today we’re going to read from the New Living Translation.  It just felt clearer and easier to understand. 

⁵ I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. ⁶ I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault. ⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done.

¹⁰ I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, ¹¹ so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! ¹² I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,^[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. – Philippians 3:5-7, 10-14

If anybody deserved to ruminate, it would be Paul.

Or Saul as he was known before God anointed him with a new name. Because when Paul was Saul, he was one of the meanest and nastiest hunters of Jesus followers around.  He was there when they stoned Stephen to death and did nothing to stop them. In fact, the Bible tells us he “approved of their killing him (Acts 8:1).” He admits to the people of Jerusalem that he hunted down the followers of the Way, which is what they called Christians in Paul’s time, to purposely “imprison and beat (Acts 22:19)” those who believed in Jesus.  So, it must have come as a shock when Jesus came to him and made him a disciple.  Imagine realizing that your life work was hollow and meaningless!  That you were on the wrong side of history the whole time. But Paul realizes there is a better life and a better way awaiting him and instead of dwelling on the past, he says “I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.”  That’s what God wants for you.  He doesn’t want you to ignore your past or continue to make the same mistakes. God always wants us to grow and learn to be better people. But he doesn’t want you to dwell on it either. 

At the end of the day, you never know where life is going to take you.

But if you are trapped in a prison of your own making, you might miss the opportunities that walk right by you.  Which is what God was trying to say to us in Isaiah 43.  He says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” When we dwell too much on the past, we might be missing opportunities that could make a difference in our lives. Fortunately, these prisons are not inescapable.  And you can do something about it.  Part of the answer is right there in Ted’s little quote.  The 10-second memory.  Dr. Avigail Lev suggests we set a time limit on our ruminating (she actually recommends 3 minutes).[4]  Give ourselves some grace and spend time in reflection but then do something to either leave it in the past or take action to correct whatever is bothering you.  Neither action is wrong, but both help you to put it behind you. Because you never know what God has in store for you.  It could be something amazing.  As for those moments that got me stuck, I barely passed that Chemistry class, but it helped me to realize that being a doctor wasn’t my calling after all.  And losing that job turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  It set me on a path that would take me here today.  And as for that mom who didn’t like me, I probably should thank her.  If not for her, I might never have met Cassie, and then I really would have missed out on something special.  It’s okay to ruminate once in a while, but don’t wait too long.  God has more in store for you.  In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

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[1] The APA provided this definition and warned that “The preoccupation with problems also makes it difficult to move beyond to allow for a focus on problem solving.”

[2] According to the National Institute of Health, 64.7% of people worry or ruminate daily or “more than half the days of the week.” Usually, it’s for less than 30 minutes at a time (60.9%) but 11% of respondents were caught for more than 2 hours.

[3] Dr. Scott’s article can be found on the verywellmind website.

[4] Dr. Avigail Lev is from the Bay Area and practices up here.  She also had more to say about solutions to rumination.  I encourage you to read about it.