Loving Day
When I first met Jon, he didn’t like the church.
And I get it. He had every right considering what happened to his friends. We used to play this game called Legends of the Five Rings based on ancient Japanese mythology, and a bunch of us would gather at different game stores to play. We had a blast and I could honestly call all of them friends. Jon was the one who got me into it. I wandered into this game store one day back when we lived in Georgia and saw a bunch of guys playing this game that looked pretty cool and Jon offered to teach me to play. I was hooked ever since. We became friends. He knew I was a pastor and I knew he didn’t go to church, so we left it at that. We had a bond through this game and eventually, my curiosity bubbled up, so I asked him what the story was especially in church-laden Georgia where the churches outnumber CVS. And he told me. He had these two friends who wanted to get married. They were in love and decided it was time to take the next step. She wanted a church wedding, so her and her fiancé went to her pastor to see about getting married. I’m sure they were largely expecting to nail down possible dates and times, see when the church was available, maybe talk about types of wedding ceremonies. Instead, he told them he wouldn’t do it. That their marriage would be, and I quote, “an abomination in the eyes of God.” Jon told me, “I can’t believe in a God like that.” I told him neither could I.
His two friends were of different races.
One was black and one was white. And there are still pastors and churches today who look at interracial marriage as “an abomination.” My guess is they haven’t actually read the Bible because any cursory reading of it would lead you to the conclusion God would never say that. But it’s still enough of a commonly held belief that I knew in a moment his story was true, especially in the Bible Belt where you can call racism Biblical. Race still matters and black and white more than most for some unknown reason. I still don’t understand it, but I think that’s because I grew up in California. Not that racism doesn’t exist here because it definitely does and I’ve experienced it myself. But it is different where the divide and the deep history with slavery between Black and White isn’t as stark. Here’s how wild this racism is. When I was working at the credit union, one of our friends was from the South and she told us how she liked California because she could date whoever she wanted, so we asked her about that and she said, “Oh, in Georgia I could never take a Black guy home to meet my parents.” And my friend Albert asked, “Well what if you were dating Craig? How would you parents react?” You know what she said? “Oh, they would be fine with that.” We didn’t understand so she explained, “In the South, there’s Black and there’s not Black and he’s not Black.” Obviously, that is not how everyone feels who lives in the South, but to say racism doesn’t exist is to live like an ostrich with our heads in the ground.
Where do these ideas of racial purity come from?
Believe it or not, some Christians believe they come from the Bible. But they’re wrong and we’re going to explore how damaging it is when Christians put their own biases, fears, and prejudice ahead of God’s word. People love to use the Bible to justify their own thoughts and actions because if the Bible says it then it must be okay. But take anything out of context and you aren’t getting the message the way it was supposed to be received. When you only see part of an image or listen to half of a conversation, you might be able to guess from context clues what was seen or said, but you’re also just as likely to misunderstand it completely. It makes me think of 1 Corinthians 13:12, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” In this passage, Paul is emphasizing how little we truly know about God and how it is so easy to doubt God or misunderstand our path in life because we can’t possibly know all the things God knows. We don’t know the complexities of the world we live in and how one action creates ripple effects across time and space that affect who we are. So we jump to conclusions, often to support our own narrative instead of putting our trust in the Lord. Just as in this passage we are about to share which has been used to justify the condemnation of interracial marriage.
When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you— 2 and when the Lord your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy. 3 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you. 5 This is what you are to do to them: Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones, cut down their Asherah poles and burn their idols in the fire. 6 For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. – Deuteronomy 7:1-6
Do not intermarry.
Three tiny words in this whole passage and suddenly interracial marriage is condemned. By the way, this was not a condemnation of interracial marriage at all. It was a warning to the tribes of Israel about marrying people of a different faith because of the problems and conflicts that arise when any two people who have strong differing beliefs enter into a life together. Paul writes, “…for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods…” And that can be true. Sometimes people who do not have a strong faith will turn away and serve other gods, and sometimes it works the other way as well. But even in those instances the church does not forbid it. Even the Catholic Church, the stalwart of enforcing the rules, does not forbid it even if they discourage it. Again, because of the issues it brings. But people can work it out. People can make it work. It offers challenges and hardships when you have two different belief systems, but that doesn’t mean love won’t win out.
Interracial marriages can have challenges too.
Funny quick story. When Cassie and I were about to visit my parents for the first time, it was after we had gotten engaged and Cassie asked me in all earnestness if my parents would be okay with us getting married. II assured her it would be fine. After all, my sister Karen crossed that barrier first. Cassie looked at me. paused and said, “Isn’t he Korean?” And I just nodded my head like it was obvious. To which Cassie responded, “That’s not the same thing!” Of course, my parents were more than okay with Cassie. In a lot of ways she’s more Japanese than I am! She eats ALL the New Year’s dishes. But Cassie had a legitimate concern because racial prejudice can be a huge hurdle and sometimes you do have to choose between the family that raised you and the one you’re just starting. And that can be devastating. But it shouldn’t be.
As Christians, our job is to love not to judge.
Leave the judging up to God. Our role as parents, as friends, and as family is to be supportive even when we disagree. It’s fine to express your concerns. It’s a good thing to bring up potential sticking points where there might be conflict. It’s okay to express doubt in a calm and loving way. But once you get into the territory of threats or condemnation or rejection? You are not only putting your relationship in danger, but you’re doing the opposite of what God calls on us to do – love one another. Let me put it to you this way. When I first started out in ministry, I was working for a friend of mine named Brett. And the first time I was asked to do a wedding, I asked for his help. He shared with me his resources and his couple’s questionnaire (which I still use to this day) and I asked him, “What do you do if a couple asks you to marry them and you KNOW they aren’t a good fit?” And he said, “I’ll marry them anyway.” I was at first surprised, but his reasoning was about as sound as you could ask for. He said, “If they really believe they are in love, they are going to get married with or without you. By telling them you won’t marry them just alienates them from the church. I’d rather have them feel we are here as a resource when things go bad than to feel alone with no one to turn to.” Whether you are a minister or maid of honor, we should all approach marriage with the same thought of preserving the relationship. Because isn’t that what matters most?
June 12th is Loving Day.
And I’m sure most people have no idea what that is. Sounds like another “Hallmark holiday” like Sweetest Day. But in fact, it’s the day when laws against interracial marriage were struck down nationwide. In the case of Loving v. Virginia (1967), (hence the name) the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Mildred Delores Jeter and Richard Perry Loving and overturned their conviction. They were free to live with one another and love one another as they always wanted.[1] But that didn’t mean instantly racism was gone. People still have to find it in their heart to let go of old prejudices. At the time of the decision, less than 20% of Americans approved of marriage between a Black person and a White person, and as late as the year 2000, that number was only about 65%! Today, that number is up to 94%.[2] Yet hate still abounds. We just keep finding different ways to show it. In 2024 there were over 11,000 incidents of hate crimes in the United States and still over 50% of them were race related, with religion and sexual orientation make up a large chunk of the rest.[3] That is not the world God wants us to live in. Let us always be on our guard against fear and prejudice. Not just out there but in our own hearts as well. It’s so easy to think the work is done, but we still have a way to go. Let us be a witness to love in the world today.
[1] “The Loving Day Story,” LovingDay.org, https://lovingday.org/the-loving-story/
[2] Justin McCarthy, “U.S. Approval of Interracial Marriage at New High of 94%,” Gallup, September 10, 2021, https://news.gallup.com/poll/354638/approval-interracial-marriage-new-high.aspx
[3] “FBI Releases 2024 Hate Crime Statistics,” U.S. Deparment of Justice, September 24, 2025, https://www.justice.gov/hatecrimes/hate-crime-statistics
Craig's Corner 