Walk to Emmaus – A Life Changing Experience
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7
That was the passage used on my Walk. It still encourages me and reminds everyday of the person God created me to be. The Walk to Emmaus changed my life. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a weekend experience with God where you dive deep into the love of Christ in every way possible – intellectual, emotional, and tangible. I don’t know if I would be a pastor today if I had not gone. It helped me to experience the love of Christ in such a real way and made the Kingdom of God seem like a possibility instead of just a dream. Not everyone has that experience, but if you’re willing to “let go and let God,” you might just encounter the living Christ for yourself.
Gwen and Dave were two friends of ours who had known Cassie a long time. When Cassie and I were serious about our relationship, they invited us to come to their church, Alpharetta First UMC. It would eventually become our church home, too. They had already seen Cassie grow in her faith and I guess noticed a change in me as we began attending regularly and became more involved in the life of the church. So they invited us to come to a weekend retreat about faith – the Walk to Emmaus.
We decided to give it a try.
I hadn’t heard much about it before Gwen and Dave. Some people thought the Walk to Emmaus was some kind of “cult gathering” because people who had gone were so secretive about what happened during the weekend, but it was nothing like that at all. It’s like a surprise party or an awesome Christmas present. If you tell someone in advance what to expect, it’s just not the same. Or like The Usual Suspects. If you know the end, it kind of ruins the movie. I’d rather not ruin the movie.
I will tell you one thing. You are asked to surrender control for the weekend. That’s a tough one for some people. That doesn’t mean you’re locked up or can’t get away. Instead, you are asked to give up your phone and your watch. That’s pretty much it. And whoever sponsors you for the weekend is the one who takes you and drops you off. So no car. Not a lot to give up, but in our society today? It’s a LOT to give up. The point is to give control over to God and not worry about things like “what time is it?” If you focus instead on the experience, you’ll gain so much more out of it. If that’s impossible for you (and for some people it is), then know you will likely not get much out of the weekend. And to be fair, you’re probably not quite ready for it, and that’s okay.
For me, I encountered the endless and boundless love of Jesus Christ at the retreat and Cassie did, too. Since I went first, I was able to attend the closing gathering for her and saw how deeply moved she was by the whole weekend. No, I didn’t “see” Jesus but instead encountered Christ through the love and devotion of the people there. That is really the only way I know how to describe it without spoiling the surprise! And you don’t want to spoil the surprise. Believe me, it’s better than Disneyland (and if you know me, that’s saying a LOT).
If you’re curious about it, please feel free to contact me and I’m happy to share more. You can also visit their website. We were in Atlanta at the time so we went on the North Georgia Walk to Emmaus (Mens Walk #103), but now that we are serving in the Bay Area, our local Walk to Emmaus group is the Grace Emmaus of California / Nevada. No matter where you live, I know either group would be happy to answer your questions, too.
Oops…Emergency Appendectomy!
Sometimes completely unexpected events just…happen.
So it’s been two months plus, going on three and suddenly I found myself back in the hospital, undergoing surgery, and spending nearly four days in recovery. Wow. Emergency appendectomy. Two weeks before I was in the emergency room for stomach and chest pains which they diagnosed as gallstones, but my nephrologist thought it could also be ulcers since my stomach was still upset. The pain continued quietly for those two weeks when suddenly it flared. I thought I pulled a muscle or something because it was that stabbing kind of pain, but when I started to run a low grade fever, I called our kidney transplant team. The transplant protocols probably saved my life. When you have a transplant, they give you a list of possible rejection symptoms and two of them are pain in the transplant side and fever. I called just to be safe. They told me to come in just to be safe. And after hours of exams, blood tests, and consults the results came back – appendicitis. But with my recent kidney transplant surgery, what was best for me?
Normally, it wouldn’t even be a question; immediate appendectomy. But because Three, my new kidney was positioned right on top of the appendix, they were worried about accidentally damaging it. After consulting with the transplant team though, the surgery doctors decided to go in. The risks were worth it. And I’m so glad they did. At some point, the appendix ruptured and spread its infection inside my body. And as you know with my immunocompromised state, that could have been really bad – potentially deadly. The protocols are there to save your life and it did mine. They were able to pull it out through laparoscopic surgery even partially ruptured. They did have to create an extra incision because of the positioning of my kidney but still that was way better than having to open me up. After removing it, I had to stay in the hospital for a series of antibiotic regimens and to monitor me for signs of infection. Most people would be out in a day or two but because of my situation they definitely wanted to be on the safe side.
Thankfully, I’m recovering at home. It’s been five days since I left the hospital and while much of the pain has subsided and most of my bodily functions have returned to normal, I’m still in pain. Most of the time it’s a very dull, throbbing pain (like a 1 or 2) but at times it flares up to a 6 or 7 and I have to take pain meds to control it. I don’t like to do that and try to take as few as possible, but being in pain is also not good for my recovery so it’s a fine balancing act. At this critical stage, we’re watching blood pressure, temperature, sudden weight gain, and swelling as indicators of infection or something not working right. Thankfully, all signs are pretty normal. My pain is getting better day-by-day, but I can still only walk around for limited amounts of time before it comes back. I’m not sure exactly why it hurts, but it is definitely coming from the area where the appendix was. We go back on Monday for follow up. Keep me in your prayers as we traverse this bump in the journey and I’ll let you all know how it goes.
Sharing is Caring
Lawry’s Prime Rib is the BEST prime rib on the planet.
Hands down. And I’ve looked around. Some places are good, some are even great, but the overall experience at Lawry’s is absolutely the best. Now, if you want ribs, Lawry’s isn’t the place. If you want great pasta, I wouldn’t go there. But if you want the most tasty, drip-worthy, explode-in-your-mouth-with-flavor prime rib in the universe, Lawry’s is where you want to be. Not only is their prime rib an event by itself, but they have the most amazing sides to heighten your flavor parade. From the spinning bowl salad to the Yorkshire pudding to the creamed spinach, it’s all spectacular. And the service? It is beyond top notch. To be fair, it’s more of a special occasion kind of place. Most of us couldn’t afford to eat there every night, but if my family lived closer, we’d be tempted just because it’s so good. When you find something so amazing, whether it’s your favorite restaurant, your favorite grocery store, your favorite ice cream parlor, you can’t help but want to tell people about it, because half the fun is sharing it. When you see people you care about discover for themselves what you’ve already known, it warms your heart. Who wouldn’t want to change someone’s life for the better?
Now if you asked me how they make the prime rib so good, I couldn’t tell you.
If you wanted to know why the spinning bowl salad has that perfect blend of flavors, it would be as much a mystery to me as it was to you, although I would guess “beets” or maybe the dressing. And if you wanted the secret to their raspberry English trifle, I have no idea. I’m not a chef. I don’t have any culinary training and I never went to cooking school, but I do know what I like and why I think it’s special and I’m pretty sure I’ve already convinced some of you to give it a try. My testimony about how great it tasted, my enthusiasm for the service and the atmosphere, the fact that I’ve returned again and again would probably weigh heavily in your decision to come with me next time I went (and if any of you ever want to go, just let me know). Just because I don’t know some of the details or that I might not understand how it all works wouldn’t bother you in the slightest. So why is it we don’t feel equipped to share our faith as easily as we would our favorite places to eat?
We have this crazy idea we have to be seminary graduates to share our faith.
That somehow we have to be experts in theology to tell other people why Jesus is so great. We get intimidated because we think if we try talking about why Jesus makes a difference to us, people are going to expect us to have all the answers, but that isn’t true. They might be skeptical, they might be fearful, they might even have questions you can’t answer, but that doesn’t take away from the power of your story. No one expects you or anybody else to know any more about religion than they do about a restaurant. Think about the number of things you talk to people about to convince them to do or try something new – the schools we attended, our favorite vacation, our favorite sports teams. I was born and raised in LA, so my favorite team is the Dodgers and serving in the Bay Area can be quite a challenge for a Dodgers fan, but I told a friend of mine I was looking at it as simply a new mission field. Once people discover the beauty of being True Blue, they’ll see the error of their ways. Sharing your faith should be no harder than sharing your favorite baseball team – even in the Bay Area. It’s simply sharing what you know. In church we use the word “witness” but all that is is sharing what you know. You don’t have to be an expert or have any special training because it’s a personal account of things that have happened to YOU. And who could be a better witness to what has happened in your life than you?
But don’t take my word for it.
Let’s listen to God’s Word instead. This is the passage right before Jesus leaves Earth to return to Heaven and he’s speaking with the disciples one last time. Over the last forty days, Jesus has proven himself over and over again, but now his time is done and he’s about to leave when he shares with them this one last command.
4On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. 5For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”
6So when they met together, they asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?”
7He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. 8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” – Acts 1:4-8
You will be my witnesses.
Most of us probably would have thought Jesus would go to the rabbis or other leaders of Israel to share his message of love, salvation, and forgiveness. I mean, they would be most likely to recognize him for who he was right? They had the credentials. And as far as we know, none of Jesus’ core disciples were religious leaders of any kind. They were fishermen and tax collectors and whatever else. The Bible isn’t clear on what they all did for a living, but we know most of them were regular folk like us. They didn’t have any training in the books of the Torah any more than a child would have learned. They didn’t have special knowledge of God’s Word before meeting Jesus. But that’s all they needed; their own personal experience with Christ. Jesus didn’t single out the really smart people or the really rich people or the really powerful people and say “you will be my witnesses.” He says to everyone who can hear – poor or rich, powerful or weak – “you will be my witnesses,” because all of us have the ability to share our faith. Book knowledge alone isn’t going to change the world, it’s each one of us connecting to the people around us in our own unique way. It’s our personal testimony to Jesus that will make a difference. Christ knows the most effective witness is a personal witness. And that’s why he encourages everyone to bear witness to their faith. Nearly 2000 years before the Internet, Jesus knew the best way to spread the Word wasn’t going to be with billboards along the Roman road or publishing an editorial in the Roman Times, or sending out a Holy e-blast; it was going to be through people like you and me. He knew the best way to get people to believe in him was through personal connections. We have far more influence in our own social circles than anyone else, and that’s what is going to make the most difference, when friends and family hear from us the impact Christ has made on our lives.
Sharing our faith isn’t an imposition.
Far from it. Sharing our faith is like throwing a lifeline to some drowning in the water. If you really feel Christ has made a difference in your life, why wouldn’t you want others to experience that, too? People have said to me, “I don’t want to push my religion on other people.” And I have to ask “Why not?” We feel completely fine pushing everything else from our favorite spatula to our favorite brand of eggs – why not our favorite religion? Your favorite spatula isn’t going to be of any use when you die, but preparing for your eternal life in comparison seems pretty important. Why is it so hard to talk about then? Maybe because it is such a sensitive subject. Like politics, it seems near impossible to change someone’s mind about religion once they’ve made a choice. But does that mean we shouldn’t try? Before you say “no,” I want you to consider something else – silence is a form of communication. Silence is a form of communication. Saying nothing is as much of a choice as it is to say something. Saying nothing conveys the idea that we don’t care or we don’t have an opinion or it’s not important enough for us to share our thoughts. And is that the message we really want to get across? Are we so scared to share our thoughts about Christ that we would rather sit idly by while others make choices that lead them away from God?
I think what happens is people get confused about what it means to share their faith.
I hear the excuse quite often that “faith is personal.” I completely agree with that. So does Jesus. But while faith is personal, it is not private. Faith is personal, not private. Meaning that your faith is a personal journey and a story only you can share. And only you are the expert on faith in your life. But faith was never meant to be hidden away like some secret treasure or worse like something we are embarrassed by. Christ makes it abundantly clear in the Great Commission that our primary goal as Christians is to share our faith – “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19).” And he told us in our reading this morning, “…you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the Earth (Acts 1:8).” We must not be afraid to share our faith. Too much is at stake. How you share your faith is as personal as your faith journey. You have to discover for yourself how you can best do that and it’s different for everyone. Let us commit to praying about one person who could really benefit from being closer to Christ. Think of one family member, one friend who is far from God who you might invite to church to experience God the way you do. And then pray for God to open a door for you to share what you already know. Let God use you to share his love, you never know where it may lead.
First Impressions
I really didn’t know much about art.
Growing up it wasn’t part of our household, that is until my French teacher, Ms. Stein introduced me to the impressionists. Something about that style of art really spoke to me. The colors, the stroke patterns, the movement in the painting that made it seem to come alive. My favorite by far was Monet. I am always in awe of things that are clever with multiple dimensions and in every painting he did, you could almost see the people moving through the city or feel the steam of the train in the station or watch the ripples in the water. But what really got me – what impressed me the most – was the way he constructed each picture. Each brush stroke was carefully and meticulously placed, one after another. Up close, the colors sort of melded together and you’d have greens and pinks and blues all mixed in so tightly that it didn’t look like much of anything.
But when you pulled away from the painting, each element became more and more clear. The people, the city, the water, the sun…all of it was brought together into one beautiful image. And as Ms. Stein was telling me about Monet, I could picture him sitting in front of a canvas delicately and intricately placing each brush stroke, each one having a purpose in creating this larger picture. She told me that was the gift of the impressionists and particularly Monet. They were able to keep in mind the finished product while concentrating on each detailed stroke of the brush so that it turned out exactly the way they wanted it. To me, that is downright miraculous and so when I look at a Monet, I imagine this is what it must be like for God when he looks at our lives – a symphony of color that individually night seem out of place or without meaning, but when you look at the whole picture becomes alive and beautiful. If you have a Bible, would you please turn to the Gospel of Mark, chapter 9, beginning with verse 14. If you have a Bible app on your cell phone, feel free to pull it out and go that same place: Mark 9:14. In a minute we’ll be reading from this passage.
For us, I think we’re too close to the canvas to see the whole picture.
We are not the artist and so for us, sometimes life doesn’t make sense. We see glimpses… streaks… instead of the whole thing. And at times that can make it difficult for us to have the kind of faith that the writer in Hebrews 11:1 referred to when he wrote about a “faith in what we hope for and certainty in what we cannot see.” There are times we cannot see the forest for the trees. And especially in difficult, troubling, or trying times in our lives it can make us feel distant from God. Most of us have felt that at one point in our lives or another. It’s like being at a party or going out with friends, and still feeling like the loneliest person in the world. You’re so isolated that you begin to wonder where God is in all of this. It’s those times, and those times especially when we need to turn toward God.
14 When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. 15 As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.
16 “What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.
17 A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18 Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”
19 “O unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.” 20 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
“From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23 ” ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” – Mark 9:14-24
It is hard to put our faith in things unseen.
We have a hard enough time trusting in the things that we CAN see let alone in those things we cannot. And our culture reinforces our sense of distrust. So having faith is at times hard, especially when it comes to the health and well-being of loved ones. This dad in our reading is a great example of that. We’ve probably all had moments of doubt like he had. He wasn’t completely without faith. He had enough faith to bring his son this far, but he has doubts, too. He wonders if Jesus can really do this thing. He has a seed of doubt that tingles in his mind. “…[I]f you can do anything…” he says. And I imagine Jesus gives him both a penetrating and a loving look at the same time. He looks at him and says, “IF you can? …Everything is possible for him who believes.” And instead of denying his feelings, instead of trying to convince Jesus that he really does believe, he does what we all should do in times of doubt. He turns to Jesus and he admits, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” I do believe. BUT help me overcome my unbelief.
I have struggled with this in my own life.
I am not afraid to admit it. We are human after all and we have been trained so well in the ways of the world that we believe we can do anything! But as it says in Phillipians 4:13, “I can do all this through HIM who gives me strength.” It is through the grace of God that we are able to achieve anything. Whether by divine intervention or by the gracing of our gifts or by the support of family and friends, it is because of God that all things are possible. I take that with me wherever I go and it helps me to have faith when it seems like every road is blocked and I have not been disappointed. I may not always understand at first where the road is going, but I have faith that God can see the bigger picture, even when I can only see the brush strokes. For me, that describes my journey in ministry. Every time I felt a bump in the road, it was God who led me out of it. Even in the difficult parts, I look back and feel that God not only helped me through it but nurtured me to grow and learn in ways I never thought possible.
Once I heard my call, I immediately began having doubts.
Was this the right move? Did I really hear God correctly? Because in order for me to pursue this calling, I’d have to give up my career in marketing – and I was making good money. It also meant going back to school. And the only approved Methodist seminary near us was at Emory University. I had been out of school for nearly a decade and wondered if I could even get in. There were other schools around the country, but with Cassie being the only one employed while I was in school, I couldn’t ask my family to move. So I applied to this one school and prayed, “Okay, God. If this is REALLY the path you put me on, I’ll get accepted.” And I did. I was so happy! That lasted for about one week when I received the letter telling me how much it would cost. Cassie told me not to worry and that somehow we would find the money, but I didn’t want my family to suffer or struggle for something I was still trying to work out so again, I prayed to God. I didn’t tell Cassie this, but I told God that this was my path and I didn’t want them to struggle because of it. If this was really what he wanted me to do, somehow I’d get a scholarship. And again, I did. Not only did I get a scholarship, but I ended up with a full ride plus money for books. When I got the scholarship letter, I looked up to God and said, “I guess this is a ‘yes’.”
My whole journey in ministry has been that way.
From the time I served three wonderful rural churches in Georgia to today with all of you at EVUMC, my whole journey has been one of God’s continuing grace and revelation. Every time I ran into bumps or obstacles, doubts or concerns, EVENTUALLY I would surrender my pride and go to God in prayer. I’d place my faith in him. And when I did, my prayers were answered although almost never in the way I thought it would. It was always better. God’s ways are not our ways. His vision is much bigger than ours. And I’m sure that is the case with us going on this journey together. Because I know God brought us here in this place and in this time for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is like I didn’t know why God brought me to any of the other churches when it happened. But I have faith that God’s vision is far better than my own. I can say one thing. I am grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful to God for being here with all of you. I hope you will allow me to journey with you, to get to know you, and to find out more about God through you. I think God will take us on an amazing journey together.
God works in our lives in different ways.
And it’s not always obvious to us how our struggles, our pains, and our triumphs enter into this greater tapestry. But even when we can’t fathom how these things fit into the world, we can trust that God does. So when we have questions and when we have doubts, I urge you to turn to God and ask him to help you in your unbelief. There is no sin in admitting that there are things we don’t understand. There is no sin in hoping for more faith, to trust more fully in our Lord. I urge you to move toward that place where you are able to proclaim as the psalmist did, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.” May we all continually move toward Christian perfection, knowing that we have a God who loves us more completely than we can ever know. And even if we can only see the brushstrokes of our lives, we can trust that God has the vision to see the whole painting. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Top 10 Moments at BMUC
Reflecting on our ministry together the past four years.
Any time you leave a place, especially one where you journey together with a group of people, it’s natural to do some reflecting on the past. As I’ve shared a number of times, as long as we don’t get trapped by the past, it can be worthwhile and even healthy to look back now and again. Even more so if it helps us to move forward. So to bring closure to our time together – with one more Sunday to go, here are my top 10 moments at BMUC:
10. 90th anniversary celebration – It was wonderful to be able to celebrate 90 years of ministry together and invite back our former ministers and those who served here at BMUC. Bishop Grant Hagiya came to deliver the message and it was so appropriate since BMUC was the place he received his first appointment. We got to visit with friends and family, those who had been gone from the church for a while, and special guests who participated in the festivities. Manju from (now closed) Benkyo-do and bento box lunches from Sumo Sushi made for an amazing meal. Everyone got a gift from the church as a reminder of the legacy that is BMUC.
9. Bishop Carcano’s visit – It was the first time a sitting Bishop had come to BMUC and was a treat for our congregants who were able to break bread with her and experience a real connection to our wider legacy in the UMC. Bishop Carcano wasn’t able to be with us during the 90th anniversary celebration but definitely wanted to be present at our church to share in the good news of nine decades serving God. Not only were we blessed to hear a message from her, but also took communion together.
8. 12 Days of Christmas – I LOVED this! During our pandemic Cookies and Carols in 2020, Naomi Sanchez, our Music Director, planned a coordinated Twelve Days of Christmas sing-a-long and asked everyone to hold up a paper or poster of your “day” on the screen. Lee Marrs was the “partridge in a pear tree,” but instead of having one image, she created TWELVE DIFFERENT IMAGES which was amazing by itself, but as we realized what was happening, people were just overjoyed – especially Naomi whose face just lit up in disbelief.
7. Cookies and Carols – Speaking of which, Cookies and Carols was something new our Outreach Committee hosted to bring in people from the community during the Christmas season. The first year we did it, we called it Cocoa and Carols (although cookies were involved) and it was a big success with many people from the community coming and singing with us. In 2020, we were in the midst of the pandemic so we shifted and did online cookie decorating and then singing together which were great to lift our spirits and keep our community focused on the season. In 2021, we did both in-person and online which was a ton of fun.
6. Day of Remembrance – This was memorable for two reasons: 1. We did our first (and sadly only) Spam Musubi cook off (to honor the creativity of camp life under harsh conditions) and 2. We joined with other historically Japanese-American churches across the country to reflect on what the day meant to us. It was the first time I can recall where we did a joint service and it was such a blessing to work with the other pastors and especially Bishop Sano who gave the message for our time together. It was also an opportunity to again connect with other churches and realize we share something in common that makes us stronger.
5. Creativity in worship – I can’t say enough how blessed I am to work with such talented (and good-hearted) people like Naomi, Jill and Tak. Together, we’ve been able to push the boundaries in worship and hold the congregation together even in the midst of the pandemic. We did hybrid worship, we introduced online giving, we found new ways to creatively sing and stream and do communion, and we were able to at the same time minimize our risk of COVID. Nearly every highlight on this list is due in part or more to these awesome people who deserve a big shout out!
4. Black Lives Matter – I was so honored to serve at a place that took seriously the Black Lives Matter movement and took to heart DS Rev. Staci’s message to churches to DO something, not just talk about what was going on. During the summer of 2020 when racial tensions reached new highs, the Black Lives Matter movement sprang into being. Instead of paying lip service to that time, our folks donated money to support the Black community both here and nationally. We ended up raising over $8000 to give to the Thurgood Marshall College Fund and to OCCUR which supports Black-owned businesses in the Bay Area.
3. Easter Outreach 2021 – Our Outreach Committee came through again with an innovative way to do Easter for the community. We did a Safe and Socially Distant Easter Egg Hunt which drew nearly 50 kids from not just our neighborhood but from around the Bay. Almost none of them were from BMUC! At the same time we decorated the cross with flowers, sticking to our tradition, but changing it up a bit to give people the chance to visit and it was a huge success. The stories about Jesus were inspiring.
2. Kazumi’s Baptism – Baptism is ALWAYS a highlight for me and I was so honored to be able to take part in Kazumi’s. Not only is Kazumi (and now her brother Akira) one of the first babies born to the congregation in a while, but her parents are such wonderful people. It’s always special to be part of a person’s journey of faith and baptism is one of those milestones along the way. It was also the first one I’ve had the chance to do while here at BMUC so it was even more exciting!
1.Faith and Family Trip to Disneyland – These Faith and Family trips are so special to me because it gives me a chance to take time and really get to know people, but it also is an opportunity to share something I’m passionate about – bringing faith into the real world. And Disney. These trips are an opportunity for me to put into action what I earnestly believe: we have to make faith real and tangible for others to follow Christ. Disney does hospitality exceptionally well, and it’s a great real world example of something we can do in our own churches to bring faith alive.
There were many wonderful moments we’ve had together at BMUC and these are just a snippet of them. I really believe in this place and the people here. Although I’ll be leaving, I hope if you’re in the Berkeley area, you’ll pop by and spend some time getting to know them. If you’re looking for a church home, this is a place to put on your list! May God continue to bless this church and the people in it. And praise Jesus for the chance to serve here and journey in faith with these people.
Rejection Protection
The surgery was only the beginning.
Granted, it’s a huge part of it and the most important, but the first month following the operation is intense. Mostly, the transplant team is concerned with rejection. And rejection, if it happens, can be a very quiet thing so there are a lot of indicators the team is watching to see how the kidney is doing. Body temperature, blood pressure, weight, and blood sugar are the things I have to measure multiple times a day. Then there are the blood tests. For the first month, we’re going over to the hospital twice a week and each time they take multiple samples of my blood and run it through a series of tests. They look at everything – my creatinine levels, BUN, eGFR, phosphorous, red blood cell count, white blood cell count, glucose, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Based on all of this information, they adjust my medications regularly.
And I do mean regularly. Nearly each time I’ve gone in they have adjusted my meds. And with 17 different medications, I am SO grateful they take such care managing them all. I have to tell you, it’s overwhelming. When I was in the hospital, the pharmacy team came in to go over everything with me. They allowed me to play with the instruments I would need to take all the measurements. They were willing to spend whatever time I needed to make sure I could do it myself when I got home. Even still, I felt lost and overwhelmed. It was just so much to learn in such a short amount of time. Thankfully, Tiffany (one of the social workers on the team) sat with me and helped me talk through it and helped me come up with a plan to not only make me feel more at ease but have a sense of control over the process. Plus, it was reassuring to know one slip up wasn’t going to kill me. I feel like I have a good routine down after the first week and it all seems pretty manageable. I do push myself probably harder than I should but it’s hard for me to feel so helpless. Still my family has been awesome. Emma has helped out a ton and Cassie has taken it upon herself to do all the shopping and transportation. Both of them have been such a blessing.
Today, it’s been a month since the surgery. Thankfully, I’m recovering well and things are progressing nicely. I’ve been ahead of the curve so far, but nothing like Cassie who went home THE NEXT DAY from the hospital. She was off pain meds soon after that. Her recovery has been miraculous! She was cleared to drive by the time I went home from the hospital and was able to pick me up. You can believe it was a relief to see her doing so well and welcoming me home. There have been some changes in my life as a result of the surgery. I have to be more careful because I am immunocompromised – especially the first few months when they are adjusting my rejection medication. They’re trying to find the right balance to make sure my body doesn’t reject Three while at the same time protecting me as much as possible from other infections. I can’t eat grapefruit or have anything with grapefruit juice (not a big loss). I also can’t eat anything raw or half-cooked – which means no sashimi or raw fish sushi (that IS a big loss). But it’s a small price to pay for new lease on life.
We celebrated our 20th anniversary during this month of recovery and I’ve got to say, it was not what I expected. It was better. In more ways than one, Cassie is a part of me in a way we never imagined. There couldn’t have been a more unimaginable show of love than what Cassie was willing to do for me. We’re both recovering well and I’m back to work at the church for my final month before moving on to a new adventure. In the meantime, keep us in your prayers for continued strength and healing and I will continue to keep you updated on our progress.
Joined at the Kidney, Part 2
I woke up and suddenly I had a new kidney.
Feels like I skipped some vital parts of the story, right? But that’s the difference between one day and the next. One day, you’re functioning at about 9% and the next, you have a new kidney. Your wife’s kidney. Who just happens to be a match. And who’s love and selflessness was so great she gave it up for me. Wow.
After I heard Cassie came through with flying colors, it was my turn. They transported me to the prep room where they had me answer more questions and went over the procedure with me. When they brought me in the nurses there told the attendant to put me over in the same corner where Cassie had been earlier. I can’t say enough about the medical teams and nursing staff at Stanford. They are truly top notch and worth every penny. The level of care we both received was beyond our expectations. The entire team came in to introduce themselves and to make sure I knew what was about to happen and to give me a chance to ask any questions. Then it was just the waiting as they prepped the room. The lone nurse left with me sat there and asked about our story, so I told her. I told her how amazing it was to find out we were a match. How more amazing it was Cassie was willing to do this for me. And how seemingly miraculous it was that it all came together the way it did. She listened intently with a smile on her face as I recalled our story.
Then it was time.
They wheeled me in and transferred me to the table. Pretty soon, I was out like a light. I don’t even remember going under anesthesia, but I do remember waking up. Suddenly, I was in a completely different room. I was hooked up to multiple IVs and had two tubes in my arm and three in my neck. I had monitors on my body and I had to lie still for twelve hours following the surgery, but they let Cassie come in and sit with me for a while. They escorted her into my room, and pulled up a chair for her next to my bed so we could hold hands. Then they quietly left and gave us time to ourselves. I told her how much I loved her and she said the same and we just sat quietly in the room holding hands with the night sky as our back drop.
I was drifting in and out of sleep those twelve hours. The nursing staff would come in frequently to check my vitals and see how I was doing. I wasn’t allowed to have water or anything right away (apparently the anesthesia can make you quite nauseous and some people react badly – that’s the last thing you want after major surgery to your body). But after those twelve hours, they let me have a liquid diet meal for breakfast to see how I would do. After that went well, they bumped me up to real food. Everything seemed to be going well for my recovery. Three (the new kidney) started working right away. Like Cassie, Three is a no nonsense kind of kidney and wanted to get right to the job. Pretty soon I was pumping out liquids and things were moving along.
Cassie’s recovery was quite miraculous. It hasn’t even been a week and she’s already off the pain meds they gave us (not me though – it’s going to take a bit longer for me). She left the hospital the next day! Leading a carnivore lifestyle has really helped Cassie’s body to become much more fit and healthy and she was the talk of the floor. Everyone who came in to see me commented how extraordinary her recovery was. I was so happy for her. The only sad part was I would be alone in the hospital, but it was great to see her get better so soon.
And it wasn’t bad for me at all. My recovery was going better than expected. They had originally projected I would be in the hospital until at least Sunday if not Monday, but as the week progressed, they decided I would be well enough to go home on Saturday! Again, I can’t say enough about the nursing staff at Stanford. They deserve every penny they were asking for. They were there for me and Cassie 24 hours a day. They always had a great attitude and a positive demeanor. They helped us without question. They offered to do things for us without us even asking. And they made sure we were well taken care of. And they were so polite on top of it all! Just an outstanding experience. If you need quality medical care, being at Stanford would be a blessing.
Saturday came and after getting two more doses of anti-rejection medication, I was sent on my way. The pharmacy staff came by and trained me on how to use my new medication. They also gave me a care package of medical goodies to help me and make sure I had everything I needed to succeed. Tiffany, the social worker came by and when I needed to talk (feeling a bit overwhelmed with the care I would need post-surgery), she came without question and sat with me as we worked on solutions together. I felt a whole lot better. Alex, my dietician called to give me support and to answer any questions, and the doctors came by whenever there was a question the nurses couldn’t answer right away. Even though I didn’t have my family in the room with me, I never felt alone and always felt much love and support. When it was finally time to leave, a bunch of the nurses and staff came to see me off. As I got wheeled off the floor, I felt ready for the next phase in my kidney journey. The road to recovery…
Joined at the Kidney, Part 1
I named it Three.
Cassie’s kidney now lives inside of me and I decided to name it Three. Three is such a powerful number. Three is the number of the Holy Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Three makes a family. And of course, three…is a magic number (any Schoolhouse Rock fans?). I’ve already told One and Two to make Three feel right at home and to play nice and so far it’s been going well.
But I’ve skipped quite a bit ahead in the story. When last we left I said over the next few weeks I would share some yummy recipes with you – and I will. But the next few weeks ended up in a blur of activity which led up to us having the transplant surgery. It was a tenacious few weeks, too. Full of anxiety and uncertainty along the way. We went in for our final evaluations on April 12, the day after I posted the last article and like I imagined, the weigh in was VERY close. I was at 237.4. Only a little over a pound away from the goal. Would that be enough?
The doctors were really impressed with my effort and ability to lose the weight naturally and everyone asked how I had done it (I should have just referred them to the blog). I shared my story with them and it made the biggest impression on the doctor who would be my actual surgeon, Dr. Busque, because at the evaluation meeting he was telling them all about it and how much it showed I was a good candidate for the surgery. Still, we had to wait a week for the results. In the meantime, the situation between the hospital and the nurses came to a head and the Stanford nurses union, CRONA, announced that they would be going on strike.
We waited.
The next week came and we were told we were approved! And then came the BUT…. But if the nurses went on strike it could be postponed indefinitely. They would of course fit us in as soon as they could. My surgery was what they called a preemptive transplant which would put us ahead of those already on dialysis, but for how long would it get delayed? In the middle of all of this we were getting ready for a move to a new church (more on that later) and we had to plan around that as well. It just seemed like our whole lives were in chaos! The strike happened and it looked more and more like they would pull the plug and reschedule us for some time in the future. We checked in constantly for any news, none of it good, and updates were few and far between. But thank God, the two sides came together before the end of the month and agreed on a new work package, literally the day our team was meeting to decide our fate. They approved our surgery and we had to check in the next morning!!!
My mother-in-law, Carol, bless her heart, flew on the latest possible flight on a moment’s notice to be here for us. We picked her up at the airport, came back to the house, got in a quick sleep, and headed out the next morning. It was exciting and at the same time a bit nerve-wracking. After all, we were about to go under the knife for major surgery. The success rate was very high. For Cassie, only 1 in 3000 ended up in fatality. Mine wasn’t as high, but still at over 99% you can’t really complain. Plus, we were in very good hands. The odds were as good as they were going to get. When we got to the hospital, it was time for even more tests. More blood work. Another COVID test. An EKG and chest x-ray. Thankfully, we passed all of those, too. Cassie and I were taken to separate rooms on the same floor – just two doors away. But with so many tests and other things going on we didn’t see much of each other until night time. She would be going in first at around 6am and I would follow some time around noon.
We went to bed. I didn’t sleep much. I was too excited and nervous and wanted to be sure to be up to see Cassie off to her surgery. I watched as she went down the hall, and then just waited to hear how it went. I knew her medical team was one of the best, but it was still a relief to know she came through with flying colors. Our post-op recovery would be in the main hospital so I would just have to wait until mine was done to see her. Wow…soon I would start life with a new kidney!
Keto Craig’s Continuing Chronicles
We’re a match!
I’ve always known Cassie and I were a match, but now I have biological proof. Our blood typing test came back positive. We are compatible for the kidney transplant! *BIG CELEBRATORY SOUNDS* But now what? Cassie is onto the next phase of being a living donor. They’ll do even more extensive blood testing as well as interviews with both a social worker and a dietician before seeing a doctoral team that will go over with her what the surgery will entail. At first it seemed weird when they asked her to come to the interview alone, but it soon dawned on both of us, that was done for her protection – in case she was being coerced or tricked into doing this. They just want to make sure she is doing this willingly and of her own volition. It’s sad they need to take that precaution but at the same time I’m glad they are. Sometimes we need protection.
As for me, even more testing, too. But mostly, they are waiting for me to lose enough weight for the surgery. Only about 12 more pounds to go. So how have I been losing weight? Lots of support from family and friends – especially Cassie who has been cheerleader, advocate, and strategist all rolled up into one. But on the nuts and bolts side, I’m focusing hard on limiting my carb intake, replacing sweet snacks and carb-loaded sides with something more nutritional. A lot more salads. And a lot more veggies in general. Even there, you still have to watch your carb intake, so I focus on the things I like that are relatively low carb like mushrooms and zucchini, and will still have some onions and tomatoes thrown in for added flavor. Instead of sugar, I rely a lot more on salt, fat (like butter and good mayo), spices – things on the more savory side to whet my appetite. For me, this works because my sodium and potassium levels have remained normal throughout my CKD. If they were elevated, I’d have to restrict myself further to avoid speeding up the kidney damage. My phosphorous levels have started to go up and that’s mostly because I replaced sugars and sweets with cheese and nuts – two things that are high in phosphorous which can have a dangerous effect on your body (if you’re curious, here’s a great article on phosphorous and why it’s important to monitor it). Knowing that, I’m working on dialing back my reliance on dairy and peanut butter and trying to find alternatives for quick snacks that will help me keep it under control.
Overall, I’m trying to keep my carb intake to between 30g to 50g per day. Generally, doing so will put my body into a state of ketosis where I’m burning fat and not sugar. To give you some perspective, I would typically have about 1.5 to 2 cups of rice PER MEAL. And that’s just the rice. That doesn’t include breading on my meat or croutons in my salad. ONE cup of rice is about 52g of carbs by itself, so I was having about twice as many carbs in one meal as I eat all day now. It’s hard for me to give up rice, so for a while I was having 1/4 cup of rice at lunch and dinner and just trying HARD not to have any other carbs, but eventually I started having just 1/4 cup of rice once a day and it gave me more flexibility to add in things like onions and tomatoes or other foods with limited carbs. That gave my meals more texture and more variety and surprisingly over time I haven’t missed it as much as I thought I would. Sometimes I don’t have any rice at all!
On the protein side, I’m trying to keep it below 80g per day although if I go a little above this I don’t worry as much. Too much protein CAN throw you out of ketosis, but 80g is still below normal so I haven’t worried a lot considering that it’s been working for weight loss and my numbers have been holding steady (Thank God!). It’s all about providing as little stress on my kidneys as possible. Thankfully, there are a LOT of things I DO like to eat that are keto friendly. Omelettes are something I’ve always enjoyed, but now create a lot more often. Eggs are a wonder food and incredibly good for you. I eat much more salmon (which is fine because I love salmon) and have found a number of creative ways to do it. And there’s this wonderful chicken dish that I’ve been making I was able to adapt to a keto lifestyle. Over the next few weeks, I’ll share with you some of these delicious recipes so you can make them yourself and taste the yumminess.
Overall, I’m down to 239.2 lbs – only 3.2 pounds away from my goal. Stanford wants me to get down to 236, and I feel really confident about it. Like I said, I’m not a doctor so this shouldn’t be construed as medical advice. As always, go talk to your doctor about what works best for your lifestyle. But I’ve been frustrated for so long losing weight and this has been working great for me. It might work great for you, too. So if it helps anyone in their journey or just inspires you to keep trying, then I’m happy to share my journey with you.
A Whole New World… Why I Love Disney
I have to admit my love of Disney is intense.
It peppers my life in ways even my wife doesn’t understand. It’s not the kind of intense that’s chaotic or obsessive, but intense in the way that it holds deep meaning in my life. The theme parks especially have a special place in my heart. A Disney theme park was the place I got my first job, was the place I met my first girlfriend, and was the place I bought my wife a Minnie Mouse ring and promised one day I would marry her. I came through on that promise by the way.
I love Disney because it hearkens back to an idealism about the world we are sorely missing. With reality TV everywhere we turn, we seldom get to imagine the way life COULD be. Today even our sit-coms are based “in reality.” When I was growing up, we watched shows like Brady Bunch, Happy Days, Family Ties and The Cosby Show. The reason these shows were so popular were not because anybody actually lived like that, but because they showed us the kind of life we aspired to have. The kind where parents make the right decisions in raising their kids. The kind where love and understanding triumph over selfishness and self-centeredness. And it brought hope we could rise above it all.
If you want reality TV, you simply have to turn on the news to see the worst in one another. But where is the counterbalance? Where are the images and examples that we can look up to and live for? They seem to be disappearing these days. One of the reasons I became a pastor was because I fully and whole-heartedly believe God offers us hope for a better life if we only reached out and took it. And I don’t mean in a blind faith kind of way either, but if we embraced what God has to teach us – to love one another – we could reshape the world! And that’s the kind of hope I want to share with others..
To me Disney offers that kind of hope. In a world filled with horrible realities, Disney often offers us a better way. One of the things I loved about working in the parks was the concept of the “berm.” The berm was a big wall that shut out the outside world. Beyond the berm was every trouble and worry that dotted our lives. But for a brief instant in time, when you walked beneath that sign that said, “Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy” you did just that. You lived in a place where magic exists and dreams do come true. Is it the reality of our world today? No, but it could be. And it should be.
We often take vacations at a Disney theme park, not just because they are fun and family-friendly, but because I want my family to have this hope in their lives. I want them to know that for an instant and maybe right now only in this place, does this kind of idealism exist in the world. But it does exist! Other theme parks may offer more thrilling rides or more dangerous rides, but none of them offer you a better way to live. We see this idealism in the animated movies Disney creates and we watch them come to life in the parks and we can hope at least for the day this idealism remains alive and well and can inspire us to make the world a better place. That’s why I’m a Disney Dad, because I want to make this world a better place for my children. Every child deserves to have hope, happiness, and love in their lives. Don’t you think?
Craig's Corner 