Confident Humility

Confident or cocky?

They are not the same thing. I was reading an article by Michael Schein for Inc.com about the benefits of shameless self-promotion, and it made me mad.[1] While I agreed with half of his article, the other half was a recipe for all that is wrong in the world today. Never show doubt. Make enemies. Make people mad. Care at least as much about looks as about what you have to offer. Provoke people. Pull pranks. Generate hype however you can regardless of its effect. This is the perfect recipe for polarization. Does it work? Sure. But you need to ask yourself if success is worth sacrificing your morality, your honor, and your duty to caring for others. There are times when self-promotion is important and even essential. When you are trying to get a job or win over the girl of your dreams, you need to find a way to stand out, to differentiate yourself from the crowd. Putting your best foot forward, making sure they know what you have to offer is just the smart thing to do. But when it comes at the expense of others?  That should be where we draw the line.  It’s hard not to think about what Matthew wrote, “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? (Matthew 16:26).

People often mistake being cocky for being confident.

When in fact cockiness is the opposite of confidence. Cocky people feel the need to put themselves on display all the time; to make sure people notice them, to get attention for themselves. They cover up their own deep insecurities with grandiose gestures and over-the-top attention-grabbing antics. They tell you all the time about how great they are and how they are so much better than everyone else.  Shameless self-promotion. But if you are truly at the top of your game, you don’t need to do that. You find ways to lift up other people. You acknowledge you didn’t do it alone. Because a confident person is secure in themselves. They aren’t worried about sharing the limelight because they shine bright enough on their own. They don’t need the recognition of others to feel validated because they already know they are enough.

God wants you to be confident.

God wants you to know that you are enough; that he loves you for who you are and that you should love yourself as well.  When Jesus told us that the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself, there’s an implied assumption that we do, in fact, love ourselves.  Not in a vain, conceited way but truly loving the person we are; being satisfied and secure in ourselves. That doesn’t mean we think we are perfect. Again, that would be vanity. Just that despite the work we need to do for ourselves, we know we are loved and valued. That’s the wonder of God’s creation!  When you’re in sync with God and God’s will for your life, you have that peace about you that Paul calls the “peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).” One of my favorite ways to describe it.  “The peace that surpasses all understanding.”  Who wouldn’t want that in their life?  When you truly love yourself, you can’t help but feel confident because you know you’re good enough.

Cocky people are seeking validation elsewhere.

Instead of knowing they are enough, they look to others and compare themselves constantly to validate who they are. That seems to be one of the biggest differences between being cocky and being confident. Confident people look inward and cocky people look outward. In fact, the Bible gives us a great example of this in Matthew’s version of the Gospel.  If you have a Bible or a Bible app on your phone would you please find Matthew 23:1-12. When this story happens, Jesus has been challenged relentlessly from the chief priests, the Pharisees, AND the Sadducees. If he were a basketball player, I would say he’s being triple-teamed in the low post! But like he normally does, Jesus is able to move and weave his way through and come out untouched.  When he does he addresses the people who have borne witness to all of this and this is where we pick up in the story.  If you would please rise as we share from the Gospel of Matthew 23:1-12.  Hear now the Word of the Lord.

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: ² “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. ³ So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. ⁴ They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

⁵ “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries^[a] wide and the tassels on their garments long; ⁶ they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; ⁷ they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

⁸ “But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. ⁹ And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. ¹⁰ Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. ¹¹ The greatest among you will be your servant. ¹² For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. – Matthew 23:1-12

Jesus poses a threat to all of these religious leaders.

The chief priests, the Pharisees, and the Sadducees are insecure because they know from Scripture that one day a savior will come and they would rightfully lose their power. They should want this! If it happens it means the savior is amongst them!  What an incredible honor to be witness to something so monumental! They should not just be willing but happy to give away their status to be in the presence of God. But they have defined their existence by the power they wield and they are so insecure without it.  So instead of embracing Jesus, they do a full court press to discredit him. Jesus points out to the crowd that everything they do is for validation. They desire recognition. They want people to give them respect. They need to be called ‘Rabbi’ and take the seat of honor. Because they only feel good about themselves by lording their power over others.  So, to lose it would mean losing themselves. It would be sad if they weren’t trying to kill Jesus. And that’s why Jesus offers that line of wisdom at the end, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

That’s the thing about cocky people.

Or anyone who elevates themselves above others. Eventually, they get found out. Cocky people have a false sense of their own abilities.[2] They like to think they are better than they are and because of that, they tend to believe there is no need to improve. I mean, why improve upon perfection? And eventually they become humbled. You’re probably saying to yourself you know plenty of cocky people who never seem to be humbled and you’re right. But they are often humbled in the eyes of others. People turn their backs on them. They finally see through the hype and bravado. And so, without even realizing it they lose influence on those around them. Confident people, on the other hand, are often humble. Which probably doesn’t make sense on the surface, but the confidence they possess gives them the security to be vulnerable, to lift others up. They don’t need to take credit for achievements. They don’t need the accolades to feel good about themselves. Instead, they share the praise and credit with others because they are know they are enough.

Ultimately, it’s the difference between being broken and being made whole.

You know the saying, “Hurt people hurt people?” I’ve been hearing that a lot lately and I think it is God’s not so subtle way of saying we need to explore this together. Cocky people are hurt people. Vain and arrogant people are hurt people. They are seeking validation from others because they don’t feel it within. And the way they feel better about themselves is by comparing themselves to others. Someone who is proud or cocky says, “I did this.”  Someone who is confident and humble says, “I’m glad to be a part of this.”  God wants us to be confident, not cocky. We need to work on ourselves to make sure we don’t slip from one to the other. The key is to “adopt a growth mindset.”[3] To be open to the possibility you are not perfect. To be willing to constantly improve your knowledge and be open to new ideas. If you acknowledge you have a way to go to be better, you find yourself more humble and more willing to listen to others and that will help give you the right mindset that God wants for us all.  We can make the world a better place, but it starts with each one of us. Let us always stay true to the people God wants us to be.

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[1] Michael Shein, “A Little Shameless Self-Promotion Can Be a Good Thing – as Long as You Follow These 10 Rules,” Inc.com, Jan 24, 2018, https://www.inc.com/michael-schein/the-10-commandments-of-shameless-self-promotio.html

[2] Enya Eettickal, “Cocky or Confident?” The Case Western Reserve Observer, February 17, 2023, https://observer.case.edu/cocky-or-confident/

[3] “#1 Confidence Imposter: Cocky,” American Confidence Institute, Accessed on May 15, 2026, https://www.americanconfidenceinstitute.com/blog/confidence-imposter-cocky